Cock Block Tango
by Karin Ochibi-chan
Summary: In which Botan doesn't understand courtship and Yusuke suffers for it. Hiei/Botan/Kurama Hiei/Botan Kurama/Botan Yusuke/Keiko


Karin: Hey guys, here with another Yu Yu oneshot!

Pairings: Yusuke/Keiko, Hiei/Botan/Kurama

Summary: In which Botan doesn't understand courtship and Yusuke suffers for it.

Disclaimer: Don't own Yu Yu Hakusho

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Cock Block Tango

Yusuke blinked at the sight before him, not quite understanding what was going on. In front of the spirit detective was clearly Botan, dressed in civilian clothes and covered in a giant trench coat, hat, and sunglasses hiding behind a dumpster. He could see her nervous expression and decided to question the girl—wondering if he should be afraid in case of a rogue demon or laugh at Botan's usual antics.

"Yo Botan!" he greeted, grinning. The ferry girl shrieked and jumped a foot in the air, conjuring her oar and preparing to whack him with it, but Yusuke dodged. A vein twitched in his forehead. "Hey! Watch it—you could've killed me!"

"Huh?" Amethyst eyes blinked, then shined in relief. "Oh Yusuke! Thank Goodness it's you!"

"Yeah, of course it's me! What's up with the getup anyway?"

Botan blushed, laughing nervously. She looked around to make sure the coast was clear before stepping closer to him. Yusuke leaned in, curious on what she was going to say.

"It's good you're here, Yusuke. I was hiding. You see, I fear something terrible has happened to Hiei and Kurama." Botan explained afraid. Yusuke's eyes widened.

"What?! What happened?! You gotta tell me, Botan!" Yusuke grabbed her shoulders urgently. Botan continued.

"I fear they've been possessed, Yusuke! Lately, they've been acting weird!" Botan whispered. Yusuke was confused. Kurama and Hiei seemed normal to him—was he missing something?

"How so, Botan?" Botan's eyes were fearful. Her fingers started fidgeting.

"I don't know if anyone's noticed it but me, but they're possessed I tell you! I mean, why else would Kurama start touching me more like trying to hold my hand or kiss my hair or constantly compliment me? And Hiei! Hiei has actually stopped threatening me! And he actually said I smelled nice when he walked by me the other day! Not to mention he actually smiled! He smiled at me when I talked to him!" Botan started pulling her hair. "And they've been doing this to me for weeks! I don't know how they keep finding me! It's insane! Someone has done something with the real Kurama and Hiei! We have to find them!"

Yusuke just gazed at her, absorbing the information. Oh… _Oh_

The urge to laugh his ass off came to him strongly, but he reframed for the sake of his friend who looked like she was about to pass out from fear.

"Aw Botan, you completely got your theories mixed up!" he chuckled. "Kurama and Hiei are fine! They just realized they have a sex drive!"

"What? That's not funny, Yusuke!" Botan yelled at him. Yusuke was about to say more but said demons appeared out of nowhere, causing Botan to shriek and leap into Yusuke's arms. If it wasn't for the fact that Kurama and Hiei were glaring at him, he would've found the situation hilarious. He pried Botan out of his hold and she promptly hid behind him.

"These are for you, woman." Hiei said, producing a bouquet of Kurama's roses and flinging them in her face. Botan shrieked, convinced they were poisoned, and promptly ran away, not realizing she took the flowers with her.

"Oh dear. That could've gone better." Kurama said. "Hiei, you shouldn't have shoved them in her face like that."

"Hn. She took them with her, didn't she? Clearly there was no problem." Hiei responded. Yusuke started laughing at them, causing the two to look at him.

"You guys really don't know anything about women, do you?" he sniggered.

"Coming from a buffoon who forgets his anniversary every year." Hiei responded.

"Hey! At least I have a girlfriend!" Yusuke snapped back. "Look, you guys gotta stop coming on too strong!"

"Yusuke is right. We have been laying it on a little thick, haven't we?" Kurama turned to Hiei who only shrugged. "Maybe we should find Botan and just take it slow with her. She doesn't seem to understand our intentions."

"Yeah, good luck with that, Romeos. I'm going on a date with Keiko." Yusuke bid them farewell, eager to share the hilarious predicament with his girlfriend for a laugh.

A month passed and Yusuke found himself not having a laugh about it anymore.

Ever since Botan shared her "theory" with him, she seemed to hone in on where he was at all times to use him as a human shield against the two demons. He could count now on two hands how many times she interrupted a date with Keiko to latch onto him scared out of her mind. Usually Kurama and Hiei would then show up and Kurama would try to coax her into going somewhere with them, and she would only agree if Yusuke comes, causing Keiko, Kurama, and Hiei to want murder him for letting this happen all the time. Keiko for having her dates with him interrupted, and Kurama and Hiei because he was taking Botan's attention away from them. Yusuke wanted to rip his hair out. He told Kuwabara about the situation and the bastard thought it was hysterical, exclaiming "Better you than me and Yukina!"

Needless to say, Yusuke was at his wits end.

Eventually, he was able to get Keiko to come over for a movie night, promising her that no one would interrupt and they would be alone the whole night. It took him a week to prepare for this, even bribing his mom to leave for the night, so they would have the apartment all to themselves. He properly cleaned his room and stored condoms in his desk drawer ever since Keiko hinted she wanted to take their relationship farther, much to Yusuke's excitement.

Tonight would be perfect.

And when Keiko got there, it was. They were snuggling as they watched movies and then she started touching him, and then they were on his futon touching each other and her hand was reaching for his belt buckle and—

"YUSUKE!"

 _Oh for fuck's sake!_

Botan busted straight into his room flying on her oar, completely oblivious to Keiko's shriek as she used her discarded shirt to cover herself, and latched onto the shirtless spirit detective.

"It was awful! Fake-Kurama and Fake-Hiei invited me to a movie at Kurama's house and I let my guard down and fell asleep and when I woke up they were holding me while I was in between them! We've got to find the real Kurama and Hiei asap! I can't take any more of this playing along stuff!"

"Oh for the love of—" Yusuke detached Botan rather roughly and threw her off. Botan let out an "eep" as she landed on the floor. When she was on the floor, she speedily crawled to his closet and shut the door behind her. Yusuke clenched his teeth as he dug his communicator out of his pocket and called those two dunderheads.

Kurama and Hiei's faces appeared on the screen, not surprised that he called them.

"I assume Botan is there?" Kurama said.

"Yeah! Now get your asses over here and tell her you like her already so I can finally have some damn peace!"

"It's fine. She's already our mate. She'll get it during the mating ritual." Hiei said.

Yusuke was going to kill them all.

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Karin: Hope you guys liked it! Let me know what you think! Should I write more oneshots?


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